One of the things I love about working with children is that they are often much more spiritually curious than we give them credit for. They ask questions we don’t always know how to answer. They notice things we have overlooked. They wonder about God, pray in surprising ways, and sometimes make connections between faith and everyday life that leave us adults thinking, ‘I never would have thought of it that way.’ But there’s another thing I’ve noticed over the years. Children don’t all connect with God in the same way. And I think that’s something worth paying attention to. We don’t all experience faith in the same way.

Think about the children in your ministry. One child might have a hundred questions about God and want to know why everything works the way it does. Another might be deeply affected by a worship song or a story about someone’s experience with God. Another might become completely absorbed in creating something, imagining a story or wondering about the mystery of God. And another might hear about someone in need and immediately ask, “What can we do to help?” All of these can be expressions of spiritual engagement. Sometimes, however, our ministry practices unintentionally favour certain ways of connecting with God. We may assume that a child who listens quietly to a Bible lesson is engaged, while the child who needs to move, create, ask questions or do something may appear distracted. What if they’re not less engaged? What if they’re engaging differently?

This is where I have found the idea of Spiritual Styles, drawing on the work of Joyce Bellous (with David M. Csinos, Denise A. Peltomaki and Karen L. Bellous), to be such a helpful lens for children’s ministry.

Four ways children may connect with God

Bellous identifies four broad spiritual styles. I often describe them through four characters I’ve created: Evan, Sophia, Noah and Maya.

Evan The Investigator

Evan wants to understand. He asks questions. He wants to know what the Bible says and why we believe what we believe. He may love discovering connections, exploring Scripture and having conversations about faith. For Evan, spiritual engagement may happen through questions, words, learning and understanding. In ministry, that might mean making room for children to ask the questions we sometimes feel pressure to answer quickly.

“What do you think?”

“What do you wonder about this story?”

“What do we know? What don’t we know?”

Those questions can be an important part of spiritual formation.

Sophia The Feeler

Sophia experiences faith through relationships and emotions. She may connect deeply through stories, prayer, music, friendship and moments of sharing. She may be particularly aware of how other people are feeling and experience God’s presence through connection and belonging. For Sophia, spiritual engagement may happen through relationship, emotion, story and shared experience. That means our ministry isn’t simply about giving children information. Creating a community where children feel known, loved and safe can itself be part of nurturing their faith.

Noah The Wonderer

Noah is drawn to imagination, mystery and wonder. He may love art, symbols, nature, storytelling, creativity and experiences that don’t have an obvious right answer. Noah reminds us that not everything about faith needs to be explained. Sometimes we need to leave room for children to wonder. What might happen if, instead of explaining every detail of a Bible story, we sometimes asked:

“I wonder what you noticed?”

“I wonder what you think God might be like?”

“I wonder what it would feel like to be there?”

There is room in children’s spirituality for mystery.

Maya The Difference-Maker

Maya wants to do something with what she is learning. When she hears that Jesus cares for people who are hungry, she wants to help feed someone. When she learns about God’s love, she wants to know what that means for the way she treats others. For Maya, spiritual engagement may happen through action, service, justice and making a difference. Sometimes the best way for a child to explore what it means to follow Jesus isn’t another worksheet or lesson. It might be an opportunity to do something.

These aren’t boxes. This is important. Spiritual Styles aren’t meant to put children into boxes. Children are wonderfully complex. They may express different styles in different situations, and their ways of engaging with faith can develop and change over time. The value of Spiritual Styles isn’t in determining “This is what kind of child you have.” Instead, they give us a lens for asking a better question: Are we creating enough different ways for children to encounter, explore and respond to God? If our children’s ministry relies primarily on one way of learning, communicating or participating, we may unintentionally make it easier for some children to engage than others. But when we make room for questions, relationships, imagination, emotion, action, creativity, Scripture, silence and wonder, we begin to create a richer environment for children’s spiritual lives to flourish.

So what does this mean for ministry?

I think it means we need to become curious observers of children. Rather than immediately asking, “How do I get this child to participate?” we might ask:

What seems to draw this child toward God?

What questions do they keep asking?

What stories seem to stay with them?

When do they become deeply engaged?

What kinds of experiences help them notice something about God?

Where do they seem most alive?

And perhaps most importantly:

Are we making space for them to respond to God in more than one way?

Our role isn’t to manufacture spiritual results in children. The Holy Spirit is responsible for producing spiritual results. We are responsible for faithfully showing up. Part of faithfully showing up is paying attention.

Want to explore Spiritual Styles more deeply? I’ve been using Spiritual Styles as part of my teaching on children’s spirituality, and this is just one piece of a much bigger conversation about how children experience, express and respond to God. If you’d like to explore this with your ministry team, I offer children’s spirituality training for churches and ministry teams, either online via Zoom or in person. Training can include an introduction to children’s spirituality, Spiritual Styles and practical implications for teaching, worship, prayer and ministry with children. I’d love to help your team think about what this could look like in your context. Email me to explore this option more.

Spiritual Styles Assessments

If you’d like to explore the Spiritual Styles more personally, assessment tools are available for purchase through Bernice at Read On Bookstore. There is an assessment for adults and an assessment for children. It is recommended that adults complete a personal assessment before doing an assessment on children.

One final thought…

Perhaps the next time a child surprises you with a question, gets completely absorbed in creating something, wants to help someone, becomes emotional during a story, or simply sits quietly wondering about God, we might resist the urge to move them along. Instead, we might pause and ask: What might God be doing here? And then pay attention.